ANXIETY ISSUES POSTPARTUM

I think I've always been a bit of an anxious/nervous person. I don't even remember a time when I didn't bite/pick at my nails and I have always loathed public speaking. I don't think any of these things are out of the ordinary or weird. I think these characteristics are fairly common.

I realized I had a bigger anxiety issue triggered after having Rory. I was beyond excited to be a new mother but the reality of it hit me hard. I won't go into great detail about what I was feeling but these are some examples: extreme irritability, everything and everyone annoyed me. I felt a lot of resentment directed towards Andrew who could walk out the door everyday to work. Most of the time I felt like I was in a fog, just moving through the motions of the day. All that was on my mind was Rory, if it didn't have anything to do with Rory, I didn't care. I worried about him constantly. I lacked presence, my mind was always racing. I had insomnia. I was up multiple times a night with him but even when I had the opportunity to sleep I just couldn't and would lay there absolutely exhausted with my eyes open.  I felt like I would never feel like the old me.

Rory wasn't the easiest baby in the beginning. He cried quite a bit for the first 4-5 months and just never seemed happy. I kept asking people, "When does it get better?" I thought maybe he had colic, maybe he wasn't eating enough, maybe he was uncomfortable, maybe he had gas issues, maybe he had reflux, maybe he was just a cranky baby and that was just his personality. He has always been healthy and always in the 50th percentile for weight and height. Everyone just told me that he was just a fussy baby. After looking into it more I did realize there was such a thing as a "High Needs Baby" according to Dr. Sears. He met all of these features to a T. If Rory was an easy baby from the beginning, would I still have anxiety issues? Probably. I don't think it would matter, but I also don't think it helped. 

The anxiety is still something I am dealing with today, but not nearly as bad. I am much more comfortable with motherhood and I am more relaxed. And Rory is much more pleasant, which helps! I have been leaving him more often, and I even started yoga. What helped me validate my feelings was talking them out. Different people in my life had actually reached out to me about their own anxiety and that is when I realized that YES this is what I am going through as well. It was just in a different form and in a different time in my life. I of course talked to Andrew and he knew I hadn't been myself for a few months. After a few meltdowns, I told myself that these feelings were not going to get the best of me and debilitate me. It's a work in progress but so far, these are the things that have helped me:

1. Yoga - this gives me time away to be completely present on my mat. It's calming, it challenges me and I come back home rejuvenated.
2. Practicing mindfulness - focusing on being present in the current moment. It's a lot more difficult then it seems. Connecting, listening to myself and others and not allowing my mind to take off.
3. Limiting my caffeine intake - coffee stimulates the central nervous system and can exacerbate feelings of anxiety. I have one cup in the morning and then try to drink decaffeinated chamomile tea in the afternoon and/or evening before bed.
4. Talking to people about your feelings - talk to your partner, talk to family, talk to your friends. Your feelings are VALID!
5. Asking for help - being a mother is so hard! It's hard to ask for help but you need too. It's still something I'm working on but it truly takes a village.

Here of some cute recent pictures of Rory that really have nothing to do with this post.

B.