Last night, I decided to start dating my husband again. Andrew's my best friend, the love of my life, my RIDE OR DIE. But we just haven't been able to get it together lately romantically. To be honest, we are both utterly exhausted at the end of the day and we just want to tap out.
Let me just give you a glance into our weekday life for the last few months from my perspective, and I can't even touch on anything Andrew is going through during his work day:
(I am not complaining. I am just being real).
Midnight: Rory wakes up. I stumble to his room, bring him to our bed, nurse him, stumble back to his crib and put him down to sleep.
Between 2:00am-4:00am: Rory wakes up. Repeat of above.
Between 6:45am-7:30am: Rory wakes up for the day with a full diaper of sh*t. If I'm lucky Andrew will have time to get up with him. He will change him and go downstairs with him to give me maybe an extra half an hour to sleep, but I don't sleep. I'm up, and I just lie there with my eyes closed because all I hear is them singing and talking (not complaining, just a fact).
Between 7:30am-8:00am: I come downstairs and play with Rory and Andrew gets ready for work. I also try to get Rory's breakfast ready and feed him. Oat cereal and yogurt. E v e r y d a y.
Between 8:30am-9:30am: I play with Rory with the TV on in the background (yep, I guess I'm a horrible mom). He is on the move so I chase him around the house, cleaning up the countless water spills from the dog bowl, taking feathers out of his mouth (damn down filled pillows) and making sure he doesn't die from chewing on electrical cords.
Between 9:30am-10:00am: I nurse Rory and he goes for his first nap. I finally make myself a coffee and breakfast and park it on the couch. Then I look at our house falling a part and feel guilty so I get up and try to do something like sweep/mop or a load of laundry.
11:30am: Rory wakes up. I change his diaper (aka. me chasing a naked baby around the living room). I play with Rory because he needs attention at all times.
12:00pm: I get Rory ready for lunch and maybe make myself something if he is content in his highchair.
From 12:30pm to 2:30pm: I either play with Rory again or we go out and do groceries/an errand - but usually not lately because it's winter. Winter = hibernation.
Between 2:30pm-3:00pm: I nurse Rory and he goes for his second nap. This has been a battle lately. He protests daily. I wait for him to figure it out or I have to go up and rock him a bit. While he's napping I try to prep as much dinner as I can so it's ready to be cooked when he wakes up. When he wakes up I put him in the highchair, he has a snack and I cook.
Between 4:30pm-5:00pm: Rory wakes up, I change his diaper (more chasing of the naked baby).
Between 5:00pm-5:30pm: Andrew gets home from work. He's exhausted. I'm exhausted. I usually try to jet out to a 1730 yoga class if it's a Wednesday or Friday and Andrew feeds Rory dinner. If not, I feed Rory while Andrew eats dinner. Then I eat dinner when I finish feeding Rory (he gets super inpatient).
From 5:30pm to 7:00pm: Andrew is in the office doing more work and sometimes he makes time for himself and goes to the gym if he didn't go right after work. I play with Rory during these witching hours until bedtime. This involves a lot of whining, hanging off of me and carrying.
Between 7:00pm-7:30pm: I nurse Rory, change his diaper and put his pajamas on. This sounds easy but it's not. It's like wrangling a tiger. Rory goes to bed.
From 7:30pm to 10:00pm: Andrew is still doing work on and off in the office. If it's Tuesday, I try to go to yoga at 1930 but sometimes I don't make it depending on what time Rory goes to bed. I usually catch up on cleaning and tidying up the house and watch some TV.
Between 10:00pm-11:00pm: I try to go to bed but I usually can't because I have bad insomnia. Rory wakes up sometimes at 2230 and Andrew will go up, rock him for 2 minutes and put him back to sleep.
Midnight: Rory wakes up. I nurse him. You get the picture.
Exhausting right? I can't even fathom how people do this with more than one child!?
My everyday is hard. And Andrew's everyday is hard. We are like any other couple, we have financial stress family stress and home stress. It takes a toll on you over time and you don't have a lot of room in the bank for an emotional connection. I've been trying to make time for myself here and there and trying to make time for friends. But it's been bothering me that we haven't been making time for each other. Where does my husband fit in?
Last night we decided to go out on a date. My sister came over to watch Rory and we went out for dinner. Just the two of us. Normal adults having normal adult conversation and it was awesome. And we are going to do it more, because we are going to start dating again. Despite the sleep deprivation and life stresses we are going to start making a point to connect more because it is more important than anything else going on. I'm not sure how often we'll make it happen but we are going to make it happen. And I'm super excited.
Let me know what kind of dates you do with your partner! I'd love to hear some ideas.
*Pictures from our honeymoon in Europe September 2014.
I totally hear you! And feel you! My kids are olderish now, but reading this, really brings back to where I was when my first born was a toddler. My days echoed yours, well no..my son NEVER napped. At night, he would sleep for 2 hours, wake up for half an hour, sleep for two...tiresome! I had my daughter 5 years later. she was different.
ReplyDeleteBack on track...dating my husband. We always made sure we went out just the 2 of us at least once a week. even it was to go shopping. When our son got a older, we would go to concerts, out for dinner, shopping, or just driving around adn finding a place to go parking! (hey you do what you gotta do!) When my second child came along...It felt easier to leave the kids with family or friends. the key for us was, we always went to bed together. That was our time to talk, to cuddle...it was us, just the two of us! Another thing we did, was no matter what, we each got one night out to do what we wanted. I would take that night to go out with friends, or go to the mall...anything that got me dressed up and out of the house! My husband would usually just go over to his buddies house for a few hours. we have been married for 14 years. My memory is a bit fuzzy from 13 years ago when we had our first, but I remember thinking "how do people do this?" I felt like I lost my self. I guess I did. Being a mom changes you completely. You find your new self in time. Same with your marriage. The three will find your groove. I have to say that now, my son is 13 and my daughter is 8, I am finding a new self and a new structure of my marriage. Our kids are out a lot. My son can now babysit our daughter. this gives us a whole new time to date each other! when I do get alone time, i am almost lost, as there is so many things I want to do and can!
Great blog!
Chin up! You have your shit together more than you think you do!;)
Wow thank you so much for reading and for your great advice. I appreciate those suggestions. I also think as time goes on it gets easier! You and your family are clearly evidence of that! Thanks for the kind words. <3
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